I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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