Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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