Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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