I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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