Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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