For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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