Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
