toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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