oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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