so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
