how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
