i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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