We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
