We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
