sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
