She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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