i don't plan on having that self control this summer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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