Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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