I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
