omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
