Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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