Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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