fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
