Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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