Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
