You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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