this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
