I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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