I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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