I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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