If that was your dad, he is hot
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
