hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
