There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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