their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
