I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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