Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
