Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
