How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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