The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
