Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We had to coat check the pizza.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were trust falling into bushes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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