Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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