...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
