He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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