I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
