also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
