Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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