Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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