You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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