and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
