Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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