I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
